Perversity 2. Pitcairn Island Solves Gaza Refugee Issue

Note to subscribers: Response to the recent satire indicated preference for sticking to the regular (serious) format, with occasional forays into farce. It also showed the need to clearly label the two formats, so a satire will henceforth be known as a Perversity rather than as a Perspective. Below is the second Perversity – though surely no one could take it seriously.

The governing council of Pitcairn Island (pop. 40) has announced its willingness to accept all Palestinian residents deported from Gaza in line with the recently announced U.S. policy of replacing this population with a Riviera-style development.

This announcement was greeted with relief by the U.S. government, following the refusal of all 193 members of the United Nations to admit over two million destitute refugees, roughly one-third of them fighters or supporters of the radical militant Islamic Hamas movement.

A Pitcairn spokesperson noted that the island, a self-governing territory of the British Empire, had long been seeking to encourage immigration. “This will solve our population problem,” the spokesperson noted, “for centuries to come.”

When confronted with the problem of how Pitcairn could accommodate such an inflow, the spokesperson noted that with a total area of two square miles, each new immigrant would be entitled to a full 28 square feet: “What more could you ask for?”