Perversity 4. Netanyahu Sets Conditions for Iran Deal
[Humor Alert]
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been frustrated by Trump’s decision to go for a deal with Iran, before giving the OK for an Israeli strike on Iran’s nuclear sites. “We were set to go in May,” Bibi muttered, “but now this!”
Netanyahu has accordingly insisted that any deal has to be really good in order to justify putting off the attack that he has dreamed of for years. In a statement released after his talk with Trump, he insisted that the U.S. had to “go in, blow up the facilities, dismantle all the equipment.” But he now declares that is only the first step.
“Once nuclear weapons are off the table,” he announced today, “the Iranian clergy must renounce Islam and convert to an acceptable religion. Christianity would be okay, but Judaism would be better.”
“Furthermore,” he continued. “Iran must commit to an annual contribution of at least ten billion dollars to the Jewish National Fund. And every morning at sunrise, the Iranian people will be expected to line up and sing HaTikvah.”
Trump advisers have suggested that these conditions are only designed to sabotage the negotiations, and leave Bibi free to attack. “Not at all,” Bibi responded, “these are simply the minimal conditions for a sustainable peace, one in which the Iranians know their place.”
“Otherwise,” he said, “our pilots are ready to go. Of course, we are sure you will want to supply us with a few 15-ton bunker-buster bombs and the B-2s to deliver them.”