Perversity 6. The Emperor Strikes Back

[Note: “Perspectives” labeled as “Perversities” are not to be taken literally]

Donald Trump recently ordered Israel to end the ongoing trial of Prime Minister Netanyahu for fraud, bribery, and breach of trust. Calling it a “WITCH HUNT,” he demanded that the proceedings be “CANCELLED, IMMEDIATELY.”*

Trump has no standing in the Israeli judicial system, and the trial follows years of investigation and four years of laying out the charges. But this reporter has learned that Trump’s intervention is just part of a larger planned campaign to rehabilitate autocrats and wannabe autocrats around the world who have been wronged by history. The president has said repeatedly that a president’s, or any leader’s, power has to be absolute, so now he is moving to correct the injustices done to those who exercised that power.

For a beginning, as previously reported, the president will demand that the United Kingdom annul the Magna Carta, forced upon a hapless King John in 1215. “Kings ever since have been hamstrung,” says Trump, “by this humiliating retreat of poor old John. It’s time to restore the historic power of kings, as we are doing in our own country.”

The administration will also force the French to denounce the French Revolution. “It is inconceivable,” the president said, “that the beheading of a king should ever be tolerated; we will Make France Great Again.” While it may be too late to put Louis XVI’s head back on, he added, the French must restore the monarchy – or else he will outlaw French dressing, French fries, and the French kiss.

On the other hand, Trump added, Napoleon was OK. “ That guy sure knew how make people pay proper respect to authority.”

“And the next time I see [Italian Prime Minister Giorgia] Meloni, I will command her to get on with the rehabilitation of Benito Mussolini. How terrible that he ended up dangling upside down in a public square! After all, he did make the trains run on time.”

Not that there are not also injustices to be corrected at home. “I want the conviction of Al Capone for tax evasion to be reversed,” Trump thundered. “After all, as I’ve repeatedly practiced and preached, tax evasion is not a crime. It’s what all us smart people do; it’s actually a patriotic duty.”

*A direct quotation, not a satire.